"How often should I follow up with coaches?"
It's one of the most common questions I hear after June 15.
And most answers you'll find online are frustratingly vague.
"Don't be annoying."
"Stay in touch regularly."
"Keep them updated."
But what does that mean in practice?
The Follow-Up Reality
Most players approach follow-ups with anxiety.
Email or text too often - you seem desperate.
Email or text too rarely - you seem disinterested.
Send the wrong content - you waste opportunities.
Make it too generic - you get forgotten.
This anxiety often leads to paralysis. And missed opportunities.
The truth is that every program and coach has different expectations.
But some principles work across the board - and some can help you flip the script entirely.
Setting Communication Boundaries
Once you've established mutual interest with a program, establish some boundaries.
You have to do this in a way that's authentic to you, but it might include:
- Ask what communication style works best for the coach - email, text, calls, or video chats - and share what works best for you
- Let them know how often you'd like to hear from them
Will every coach stick to the framework perfectly? No. And you may not either.
But you've managed expectations on both sides. And most coaches will appreciate your professionalism and forthrightness.
The Value Rule
Every follow-up should add value. Period.
This goes both ways.
A coach isn't giving you much to work with when they say, "Just checking in to see how you're doing?"
And you aren't helping them if you are similarly aloof.
Here are two types of more effective followups, that will either progress your process or start a conversation.
Type 1: Action Prompts
Instead of vague check-ins, be specific about what you want or what you're doing:
"I loved our last call and would love to schedule another one this week - is that possible?"
"You mentioned wanting to see more recent video - I just posted highlights from last weekend, here's the link."
"I know you'll be at [upcoming tournament] next month and I want to focus on my 1 v 1 defense - any advice for me?"
Type 2: Interest Builders
Reference specific things they've told you and build on them:
"I've been thinking about what you said about your team's pressing system. I watched your game against Team A and could see what you meant. It intrigues me because..."
"You mentioned the team does community service at an elementary school. I've been volunteering at my local food bank for two years, so that resonates with me..."
"I looked up your engineering department after you mentioned that it's a common major on the team - what kind of careers have those girls pursued?"
The Response Test
Here's how to know if your follow-ups are landing:
Coaches respond with more than one sentence. They ask follow-up questions. They reference things you've told them. They suggest next steps.
If - and how - the coach responds will give you some signal about how much of a priority you are for them.
One Thing That Works
Keep a simple note for each program about:
Their preferred communication style
Topics they've emphasized that interest you
Questions they've asked that you can circle back to
Next steps they've mentioned
This turns every follow-up into a continuation of your relationship, not a random check-in.
My Notion recruiting dashboard helps you keep track of it all.
Reality Check
It's not about a magic number of days between messages.
It's about the value you provide when you do reach out.
The coaches who matter will appreciate thoughtful, valuable communication over frequent check-ins.
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